I want to start off by saying that being honest can be hard whether it’s with the people around us or with ourselves, but it’s so needed. We need to be more honest with each other and ourselves.
Because when we lie and pretend we’re okay, we’re sending a message (not only to the people around us, but also to ourselves) that everything has to be okay all the time and that’s definitely not the case. It’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to fall apart sometimes. It’s okay to have a bad day. It’s okay if you don’t know what you’re doing, and it's okay to ask for help.
The people who care about you will love you anyway. Their love for you isn’t dependent on whether you have all the answers to life or not.
Here are 3 reasons why we need to be more honest with each other and ourselves:
1. Our emotions and feelings are not something to hide or be ashamed of.
We shouldn’t have to live our life feeling ashamed or embarrassed when life gets messy and hard.
Can we all agree that life can sometimes get messy and hard real quick? Even when we were doing perfectly fine a minute ago? When we bottle our emotions up and bury our pain, people can’t help us because they don’t know we need help. They don’t know we’re struggling, and we don’t know when other people are struggling. Pretending you’re okay and sweeping your problems under the rug doesn’t make it go away or solve the problem.
And I totally understand wanting to put on a brave face or wanting to figure it out on your way, but when we act like we’re superhuman and like we never have a bad day, it also makes it harder for other people to confide in us and let us know when they’re having a bad day - so we end up shutting one another out and miss out on the chance to help one another and be there for each other.
Being open about your feelings isn't the same thing as complaining until the end of day - you should be open about how you feel so you can release whatever you may be feeling (anger, sadness, pain, hurt, shame, etc.) so you can create room for something else - y'know the feelings you do want to feel. Your feelings are valid, but I want to note there's a fine line between feeling your emotions and enabling yourself to feel worse (because I've crossed that line many times myself).
2. We need to learn to deal with our feelings and the hard and messy parts of life.
Because until we learn to deal with the hard and messy parts of life like heartbreak, rejection, fear, feeling inadequate, emptiness, etc., we’ll want to continue avoiding these messy parts of life. But it happens. Life happens and life isn’t perfect and shiny all the time. Actually, it isn't ever shiny or perfect (although that doesn't stop us from thinking that it should be).
And we have to learn how to be okay with not being okay, because sometimes, we’re not going to feel okay. But know that whatever you’re feeling (and however bad it feels), it will pass. Whatever pain and hurt you’re feeling won’t last forever, even if it feels that way in the moment.
So when you share your pain and heartache with other people, you’re releasing that and you’re allowing yourself to heal. You’re not keeping it all to yourself inside. You’re letting it out - you’re learning how to accept and love yourself and others anyway when life goes south. And that’s a really great life skill to have.
3. When we’re honest with others, others are honest with us too.
The best kind of relationships are built on trust, and trust is built when we’re honest with each other. When we feel like we know the other person, when we can be real with them and they’re real with us, when we know that we can always count on them when life gets hard.
Can we all agree that those are the best types of relationships? When you have people you know you can call that 2 am and you know they’ll be there for you, and you’ll be there for them when they need you. When you know you can be totally honest with them and they'll be all ears and no judgment with you.
Because honesty is a two way street. And when we’re honest with others, it shows and reassures them that they can be honest with us too. That we won’t judge or dislike them - and that we’ll continue showing up for them and loving them. That it’s okay to be imperfect and messy and still be wholehearted human beings. And that our love isn't conditional.
Show up for the people in your life and yourself.
Be more honest. Be willing to be vulnerable and tell the truth.
A while ago, I wrote this blog post - Money with Molly #1: Getting Real Vulnerable where I talked about my current feelings around money.
Y'know - the thing you're not suppose to talk about, but we all secretly want to know more about. So let's start the conversation - one post at a time.