I have a confession to make.
I have no idea what I'm doing with my life.
I feel like that's not something you're supposed to say when you have ~ 400 people visiting your blog on a daily basis, but maybe that's the point of this post.
What I'm supposed to be doing and not supposed to be doing.
Over the past few months, I feel like I've lost my sense of self.
My identity, my creativity, my freedom.
I've been going back and forth on this for a while now, but the question keeps coming up.
Do I really want to be an entrepreneur, or do I just want to create things?
As I'm sure many of you know, the entrepreneurial journey isn't a glamorous one. And if you didn't know, well, now you do.
I wasn't one of those kids who started their own lemonade stand when they were five. Even now at 24, I'm really bad at telling people about what I do.
In fact, I'm not even sure what it is I do anymore. Or what it is I want to do, which is a "little" scary, because I'm supposed to know, right? I mean, what have I been doing the entire last year?!
By writing this post, I'm letting go of the "supposed to's" I'm supposed to follow, because if you're not enjoying your journey anymore, what's the point?
The truth is that I spent the better half of last year trying to prove myself.
To my parents, to my friends, to strangers, but mostly, to myself.
Recently, I realized that I'm always trying to "prove myself". My value, my worth, me.
To try to prove to other people that I'm something. That actually sounds pretty sad, but I'm just being honest and putting it all out there.
This is the post that I've been wanting to write for a long time, but struggled with. For more reasons than one.
I have a really hard time asking for help, but I have an even harder time admitting when things aren't going well. I'm sure I don't need to tell you it's scary to vulnerable.
But we need to be the voice that we need and want to hear.
Because throughout these past few months, I needed that voice.
Someone to tell me that this is normal and part of the process. I don't want someone to just tell me not to compare my life to someone else's highlight reel, but to show me.
To be honest and share with me that I'm not alone.
Because sometimes? Sometimes, I feel like a real failure.
And that's just me being honest and straight up with you.
This became a personal growth and mindset-oriented blog sometime last year, and it gets exhausting and scary because my mindset is not always in a good place.
Because sometimes, I just want to eat five bags of Hot Cheetos and watch five seasons whatever's on Netflix. And not talk to anyone for three whole weeks. (Also, I'm really bad at responding to emails. I don't know what it is, but the inbox is just not a good place to have a conversation.)
I just don't want this to become a place where it's just educational and advice type of posts.
I want this to be a place where I can share my journey.
My behind the scenes. My struggles. The good and the bad, because life isn't black or white. It's often somewhere in the gray.
Me rediscovering what's important in my life. Making sure my actions are aligned with my soul.
I mean, who knew it was so easy to lose your sense of self? Your purpose, your hopes and dreams, your goals? (Obviously, I didn't.)
So if that means I don't get as many page views because I share more of the personal stuff, then so be it. If it means growing at a slower pace, then I'll learn to live with that.
Because I don't want to continue doing things just for the sake of doing things or because "I'm supposed to do them" (i.e. they're kind of soul sucking and energy draining).
I mean, isn't that why we went into living a creative and self-designed life in the first place?
So that we can do the things we actually enjoy?
I mean, I get that it's about doing things for your audience and target market, but if you forget or neglect to do things for yourself in the process, it might drive you a little insane (like it did with me).
So if there's something you need to hear today, be your own voice.
Instead of waiting for someone to tell you what you're hoping to hear, tell yourself.
Have that honest conversation with yourself. Because you really do deserve to live a life you love.
We all do.
So here's to having those honest conversations with ourselves, because that's when change can occur. Within ourselves, for ourselves.
If this post resonated with you today, please leave a comment down below. I'd really love to hear from you.
It's all about finding clarity and doing the things that make YOU feel alive again.