Do you ever have a good idea and then... five minutes later - you have a long list of reasons of why you shouldn’t do the thing you wanted to do anymore?
“What will other people think of me?”
“What if I fail? What if other people see me fail?”
“What if I’m not good enough?”
Oh and here’s my favorite:
“Who am I to think I can do this?”
…and just like that, you’ve talked yourself out of another great idea.
The problem is that we worry too much about what other people think.
We worry about what other people might think, about what might go wrong, about how everything might fall apart, etc.
When in reality, things could very much go well.
We attract the kind of energy we put out into the world and we’re constantly looking for evidence for things we want to believe. Because good things can happen to you and they will if you allow them to.
But when we're so focused on trying to build up a case file of, “See? I was right. Things ‘never’ work out for me.”, then that's exactly what you're going to get. Things aren't working out for you, because you're choosing to focus all your attention and energy on "what isn't happening" rather than "what is happening".
What if instead of saying "Why does this always happen to me?", you started saying, "Life is happening for me." One is focusing on all the negative things that "always seem to happen" and the other is saying that good things are happening and that things have a way of working themselves out. Feel the difference?
So why do we need to stop caring so much about what other people think?
1. We give away our power when we care too much about what other people think.
We lose our power by giving it away. How do we give our power away? When we think we don’t have any, when we don’t value ourselves, and when we don’t set healthy boundaries. If you don’t take control of your life, I’m willing to bet someone will take control of it for you. (And it won’t be pretty.)
We all have our own dreams, goals, visions, etc. of what we want in our lives. But when we’re constantly looking for other people’s approval and validation, it means we don’t value our own. Speaking from experience - it doesn’t matter if everyone else in the world believes in you if you don’t believe in yourself first.
2. It doesn’t matter what they think. It’s not relevant to you.
Other people are not you, and they don’t know you like you do. They don’t know what it is that lights you up like a Christmas tree, they don’t know your daily schedule like the back of their hand, and honestly - they don’t really care that much about you achieving your goals. So take everyone’s advice (including mine) with a grain of salt, because it’s not always applicable.
The reality is that we are responsible for our own lives. You have to take responsibility for your own life. When we seek for other people’s approval, there’s a part of us that thinks, “Oh, maybe it’s on them if this doesn’t work out.” It’s not - it’s still on you. It’s time to start listening to and trusting your own intuition, even if it feels scary and uncomfortable.
3. “Failures” are just an opportunities for you to try again.
How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something because you’re afraid of what other people might think? What if they see you fail? What if someone rejects you? What if it doesn’t work out the 2nd time even if you do get back up again?
But ask yourself, how many successful people have gotten to where they are by being perfect and walking in an upward linear line? None of them - no one - nada. Because it doesn’t work that way. No one is perfect and liked by everyone.
Instead, learn to embrace the journey. Make it fun and enjoyable. Say nice things to yourself - and actually mean them. Try and try again - but make sure to pivot each time so you’re always improving and getting better. Always choose to see the good side of things. Learn to fall in with love the ebbs and flows of life.
4. Worry only leads to more worry. Mo' worry, mo' problems.
Your worrying is not actually solving a problem. They are, however, creating more problems. Fear of rejection, of failure, of not being enough, etc. Ending up in a scarcity mindset - full of negative emotions and thoughts.
We attract the energy we put out in the world. And when we’re a worrier, we attract people into our lives who are also worriers. That’s why negative people LOVE to hang out with other negative people - misery loves company.
Have you ever been in a good mood but you felt like you had to take it down a few notches for the comfort of others? Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about.
Learn to have an attitude of gratitude.
Because guess who you’ll end up attracting? That’s right - people with an attitude of gratitude, my friend.
It’s not your job to make other people feel comfortable (unless they’re paying you - then yeah, I guess that is your job. ;)). But worrying about what other people think will not bring you happiness or joy. It will not create peace in your life. It will not make you feel like you’re in control of your own life - because you’re constantly looking for outside validation.
Who cares if someone doesn’t like you? Who cares if your idea(s) totally flop? Who cares if you have to try something thirty times for it to work? Who cares if you take four years to do something (vs. it never happening at all)?
There are always going to be people who want to rain on other people’s parades, but that’s their problem and not yours.
Live your own life the way you want to. Make mistakes, feel the rejection, celebrate the wins, and keep going. And if no one wants to bring cake and confetti to your party today, then bring it yourself!
Because at the end of all of this, it’s up to you to create the life you want. And only you know what that looks like.
You can do this - I know you can. I believe in you, and now it’s time for you to believe in yourself too.
Share with me in the comments below: When was the last time you stopped yourself from doing something you really wanted to do because you were afraid of what someone else might’ve thought?