I still remember the phone call I was having with my best friend on the drive home from a job interview and how uncomfortable and off putting it all felt but decided to go against my instinct when it came time to make a decision.
“Well, what’s the worst that can happen?”
We often ask this question of ourselves and encourage others to do the same.
Sometimes, it's a great question to ask. But in that moment, I should have just listened to my intuition and said no thank you.
Do you ever hesitate to say no, because you don’t want others to perceive you as lazy or weak?
Because that was me; I always said yes to everything, even if it meant saying no to my own heart and values.
Since then, I’ve made a promise to myself to not do that anymore. My own happiness and well being comes first, always. If it seems selfish, then I rather be perceived as selfish than risking and putting my heart and values on the line. Again.
No more compromises. No more negotiating. No more "what if's."
If my intuition is telling me something, I listen.
How does someone learn to trust themselves again?
1. Be willing.
This is one of the hardest parts of the journey.
The first step. The first mountain, because there will be many more mountains to climb after this, but the first one is often the hardest and scariest one because you don’t know if you’re strong and brave enough to climb it.
But please don't just stand there forever and stare at the mountain in terror and fear. The more time you spend overanalyzing and being afraid, the harder it will seem and become.
This mountain is worth the climb. In fact, all mountains are worth the climb. Because it is not just about getting over to the other side, but the journey of the mountain itself. There is a lesson to be learned in every struggle, every doubt, and every fear.
Often, the first step is deciding that you’re even going to take that first step.
It's easier said than done, but it can be done.
2. Keep climbing.
You are not the same person you were 6 years ago, 3 years ago, 5 months ago, or even 6 days ago.
You know more now than you did 5 months ago. You have more clarity now than you did 3 years ago. You have more confidence now than you did 6 years ago.
And instead of getting stuck over all the things that didn’t go right, ask yourself why they didn’t work out.
Not from a place of guilt and shame, but from a place of wanting to learn and understand.
Trust that you know more now than you did 6 years ago, because you do.
With every new lesson you learn about these mountains, the easier your climb will be and the sooner you get to climb the next mountain and the ones after that.
If your focus is always on the last mountain or downfall, you will never be able to move forward. Let the past go, because what's happened has already happened and there are much better things ahead waiting for you. Making yourself feel more ashamed than you already do about everything that has happened in the past will not solve your problem or calm your fears down. It will only deepen your emotional wounds and bring up more doubt in your life.
Focus on the mountain ahead of you, not behind.
3. Do not act out of desperation.
One of the most important lessons I am consistently learning is to never act from a place of desperation and fear, because it will only bring more desperation and fear into your life and let me tell you, that has never ended well.
Trust your intuition, and give yourself the permission and love to do so.
In a society that seems to promote "being busy" all the time and little sleep, it can be hard to do so. To look at everyone move at a pace you sometimes cannot even comprehend and to see yourself suddenly come to a halt. But halts can be good.
It is better to stop and realize you are going down a path you do not wish to continue and change directions, than to continue mindlessly down a path only to realize some decades later that you have gone down the wrong path. Of course, you will still be able to change paths later on, but what if you could have noticed it earlier?
The only way to trust yourself is to believe you’re worth trusting.
Stop looking at all the things that have gone wrong in the past. Stop thinking about how you caused all of that to happen. Stop deciding to make everything so negative.
Forgive yourself and be grateful that those experiences happened, because now you know better.
With each and every experience that we have, we get closer to where we actually want to go.
With each and every passing moment, we have the power to change directions.
Trusting yourself again takes time. Just like it would if you were learning to trust a family member again, a friend, or a teacher. It takes time and often a lot of work, but that doesn't mean it's not possible. Or that it's time to give up every time it gets hard.
You learn to trust yourself again by deciding that you are worth trusting and that you’re going to do everything in your power to make that happen.
And only you can decide to do that.
Come back to your truth.
Trusting yourself again is like coming home to yourself.
"The more you trust your intuition, the more empowered you become, the stronger you become, and the happier you become.” - Gisele Bundchen
This is how we learn to trust ourselves again.
One day a time. One moment at a time. One choice at a time.
Hi there! I'm Molly, the Founder and Editor-in-Chief of Wholehearted Woman. A storyteller, introvert, self-love advocate, and multi-passionate creative with big dreams and even bigger fears. I help women find their voice, share their stories, and authentically embrace who they are.
You can read more about me and my mission here.