It’s 3 am on a Saturday morning, and I’m sitting on the bedroom floor. Excited but also scared about the changes I’m making to my blog, Wholehearted Woman.
It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. It’s been more than a year ago since I came up with the idea.
Over the year of 2017, the idea has changed, evolved, grown, and often been neglected. Why? Mostly out of fear that it wasn’t going to be good enough.
So instead of doing anything at all, I stopped doing and this happened more than once.
I tell myself 2018 is going to be different.
A few nights ago, I started doing some vision journaling. I wrote down goals, ideas, and what my ideal life would look like.
I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. Scared that I might not be able to make it happen. Scared that 2018 will end up looking too much like 2017. Scared of being seen an as imposter.
Your first year is kind of like your grace period, where people say “Okay, she’s trying it out. Things take time to grow.” But the second, third, and all the years after that? People start to expect something more, if they weren’t already expecting something in the first year.
And so I tell myself, “Okay, it’s time to get serious.”
But honestly? It’s not the first time those words have come out of my mouth.
At the same time, it is time to get serious.
Because I don’t want to go through another year thinking and believing I’m not good enough.
I don’t share a lot of my past - sometimes out of embarrassment, other times out of fear, but most of the time, it just feels like too much. Where would I even start?
Another big reason why I haven’t shared much of my story (as much as I thought and hoped to) this year is because I don’t know how to share it and be inspirational at the same time. Y’know, when they tell you to share your stories after they’ve happened and to always have a lesson people can take away from your story.
We’ve created so many rules for ourselves.
Do this but don’t do that.
This is how you should do it.
If you don’t do it like this, no one will listen to you.
The point is - I’ve missed moments like these, whether it’s not about the strategy or getting someone to think a certain way about you. Everything feels so calculated nowadays.
Is anyone else ever afraid they’ll make the wrong move, or just me?
And so often I find myself in this funk of - “Am I good enough to make this work?”
Can I make this work?
I know I can now, but I've doubted myself countless times in 2017.
I’ve been listening to a lot of Gary Vee lately because he grounds me and just says it like it is (which I appreciate). He reminds me that I have so much time and that I need to be more patient with myself.
We often give ourselves these unrealistic timelines of what and how much we should accomplish by x date, and we start to feel like we aren’t good enough when we don’t reach them.
But you are good enough and you can make this work.
Why do I believe that?
Because I learned to believe in myself this year, and I’m still learning (meaning I'm not 100% there yet - which is a little embarrassing to admit, but 100% the truth and current reality).
When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I spent most of my time in bed. In other words, I didn’t do anything with my life because I didn’t want to do anything with my life. Because I didn’t care. I didn’t care to live, to eat, to anything.
I was struggling with severe depression, and even saying the word depression took me months to say without bursting into tears.
I mean - I had hopes and dreams, but they were always passing in thought. It was more like a “it could happen” but in reality I didn’t put in the work or the time kind of thing.
The point is you can always change even if you feel like you’re stuck with the identity you’ve created for yourself. You’re not.
Let go of the person you’ve been, so you can become the person you want.
One of my most valuable lessons I’ve learned this year is that you have to believe in yourself. Like really, really believe in yourself if you want to make anything work. Otherwise, it’s going to fall apart the second things go south.
Believe in yourself. Believe in your dreams. Believe in the work you’re doing.
And start showing up for yourself, because no one is going to do the work for you. They have their own lives.
No one else can convince you that you’re good enough.
It’s an inner self thing. I was one of the lucky ones who had other people believe in me, but the truth is that I didn’t believe in myself so I didn't make it work, so I was flip floppy a lot of the times, I was scared to make mistakes, etc.
But things can change. People can change.
I changed and I'm still changing every day, so can you do.
So say goodbye to feeling like you’re not good enough, because you are good enough and I believe in you.
2018 is going to be different, because life keeps going and you keep learning.
Forget what we wrote in our high school yearbooks. Don’t stay the same person.
Change, grow, and become the person you want to be.
I’d love to hear from you.
What do you tell yourself when you’re feeling not good enough?
Question for you: Do you like reading these posts, or do you prefer the more concrete and straight forward ones where I list everything out? Maybe a mix of both?
(Photo Source: Sabri Tuzcu, Unsplash)